Idols & Ideals in marriage

What ideals did you or do you have about this thing we call "marriage"? Let me put it this way, what would you consider to be the perfect marriage? Go ahead, and think about it. I can wait.

Now that you have considered your ideals of marriage, have you ever thought about how these ideals could turn into idols? I am being very serious. First, let's understand what an Idol is?

According to Dictornary.com, an Idol is a noun. Just kidding, it's "any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion."   The definition of "ideal" is "a standard of perfection or excellence."  Have you seen that line yet? Is thinner than I thought. In my short experience of life, I have seen many people value the symbol of marriage, rather than the actual marriage itself. I have seen women age before their time because they were dealing with a spiritual issue in their marriage with their natural abilities. Did I go too deep too soon? Sorry about that, I will explain that in a later post. 

For now, let's keep on this idol vs ideal track. Let's just name a few ideals, hmmm... the wedding and reception, the wedding dress, the rings, the matrimonial home.  I know, I am missing something, oh right! The marriage certificate, framed and hanging on the wall. That last one might not be for everybody, but it is for some.  Let me explain that last one, some people actually idolize (worship) the piece of paper, creating a sort of altar around it,  and it shouldn't be that way. The same thing goes for the ring... crickets...These things are symbols, a representation of something, not that actual thing itself.  It's like worshipping the creation and not the creator, it's backward. 

 

So, I completely understand that these symbols can be welcome reminders, and I am not trying to talk about the welcome reminders because we need them every now and again. What I would like to talk about is when those symbols become the only thing that matters. I want to talk about when you are trying so hard to make it work, not because you want to understand this other person that you have tied yourself to; but because you feel like your standard for perfection and excellence is crashing and burning. That is when you have gone from Ideal to Idol.

You may one day look back and notice, while you were in your Idol phase:

• You were stressed all over; your home, your job, just everywhere you  someone looked at you, all they saw was stress and possibly sadness (depending on the onlooker's EQ)
• Communication with your love (forget the term spouse, you said "I DO" so whether you like it or not, you loved/love them enough to commit yourself to them) was/is a minefield. A bomb ready to go off at the slightest nudging.
• Disappointment (it's a form of hurt emotions)

Marriage is more than just any of those symbols we can see, touch, smell, and taste. You give yourself to it, and it produces results. You pray over it like you would your job, your heart, your children, and yourself. There may come a day when you look at that symbol of your marriage that you have been idolizing over and you realize that (for whatever reason) it Pisses you the hell off. Yeah! I said it. All the bad experiences that you have encountered in your marriage and now you have to look at this ring on your finger and you begin to remember all your ideals and all the ways your expectations were cut short with this man, or with this woman. Now your idol has become a symbol of the thing you detest. Yet, you still wear it everywhere you go, remembering and getting mad in your own thoughts.

Part 2 coming soon.